Anxiety is Real

If you don't think anxiety is real, if you think it's a made up excuse for laziness or a person being antisocial, then please educate yourself for your loved ones who may be suffering.

When my phone rings my heart drops. And it doesn't come back up... It stays dropped into the pit of my stomach. I begin to overthink what the call may be about, what it'll lead to, who wants something, who wants to come over, are they mad at me for something, is something bad going to happen, maybe if I ignore the call then any future problems from this person will go away... If I do answer the call, what if I stutter or I forget how to use words or form sentences? The other person will think I'm weird.

If someone knocks on the door my heart jumps! I feel bothered, intruded on, scared almost, but for no logical reason. I fear I won't be able to handle any situation that may arise from me answering the door. And why would someone surprise me by knocking on the door without texting first?

Why do people say "I need to talk to you about something"? Don't they know I'll now be spending the next few hours thinking of every possible thing I could've done wrong, or maybe something bad happened, because it's NEVER good. Why do people scare me?

And if I have to make a phone call to set an appointment I have to rehearse it in my mind over and over again because I'm afraid of every possible bad outcome, mostly that the person on the other end will get impatient with me not knowing how to handle things. But that's not even the case. I can handle things... I just get scared and second guess my every breath.

And speaking of breathing... If I start to notice my breathing pattern is different because my heart is racing, I can send myself into a panic attack because it feels like I'm not getting enough air. I start to cry because I don't know how to stop my mind from unraveling all these bad possibilities.

I push people away and make them think I just "hate talking on the phone" or I "don't like people" when really, I'm just very afraid I'll do something wrong.

I've ran out of stores before because they suddenly got too crowded with people, noises, and disorganized rushing around. I forget how to BE in public and I run outside to get air.

My first reaction is to get mad when people want to go to amusement parks or crowded places because I'm afraid I'll have an episode. So I make excuses for why we shouldn't go: It's too expensive, who will drive, I can't see to drive at night... Really, I do want to go... I'm just afraid of crowds.

My ways of coping have not always been the best and I've been this way since I was a teenager. I'm now on medication but sometimes I don't feel it's working so I take multiple all natural supplements to try and calm my nerves just so I can go outside.

If you think Anxiety isn't real... do some research. It's debilitating, it's imprisonment. It helps when people around me understand and don't get mad at me or force me to make excuses for not wanting to answer the phone or go places. Believe me, I'm trying. But even this post alone is just the TIP of what my anxiety feels like. Try coupling all of this with depression.

You may say "it's all in your head" and that's the problem... It IS in my head, and I can't change it. I can meditate, do breathing exercises, go for a walk, talk to a professional - all of which I have and am currently trying. But I think it's important for people to start taking mental illnesses seriously and stop assuming those of us who truly suffer are using it as a crutch.

Nobody WANTS to feel this way.

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#anxiety #anxietyisreal #mentalillnessawareness