I'm sitting in bed with my laptop on a pillow and my phone on my knee. My cold cup of coffee is next to me on my night stand, and my highly entitled Chihuahua, Penny is inches away from me, snuggled up all comfy-like in the blankets. Why is my cup of coffee cold? Because I wake up at 5:00 A.M. to let the dogs out (the other two dogs, not Penny; she refuses to go out that early) and to make my husband a pot of coffee, that he will forget to drink unless I bring him a cup. I then lay back down and hit the snooze button 3 or 4 more times until he finally gets out of bed and rushes out the door, leaving Penny and me to return to our peaceful slumber. After our "second sleep" I wake up and start sipping on that pot of, what is now cold coffee, usually without any creamer because I always forget to pick up another bottle of it when I'm at the grocery store.
My name is Kaylee, as in Kaylee For Your Thoughts, and this is my second official blog. I'm starting over with this one because I felt inspired by a dream I had to cleanse and re-brand myself. In this dream I co-starred with none other than Ellen DeGeneres, whose words of wisdom resonated with me throughout the following morning and on through today.
I feel like I have to share my entire life's story in order to catch you up to this point, but I simply just don't want to. So I'll start at random places and fill you in as necessary.
When I was twenty two years old I enrolled in Cosmetology school. I had a love-hate relationship with my journey there but mostly I'm grateful for the time I spent learning about myself and gaining independence. You see, my independence was important to me for many reasons that I'm sure I'll get into later. One of the things I learned about myself was that my anxiety was real and that I had it BAD. I would call into school even though I wasn't sick just because I had a bad or nervous feeling. It wasn't normal nerves like your typical first day of school jitters; I felt frozen. Half of the time that I missed school, I would end up picking up an extra shift at work. I just wanted to avoid anything that stressed me out.
However, this post isn't so much about my anxiety issues as it is about my dream, which I'm getting to. So to shorten this story, I'll just tell you that I ended up finally graduating after over two years. And then I did nothing for a while. I was on a journey of self-discovery and freedom. I drank, I dated, I spent time with friends, I enjoyed life as a single twenty-something year old.
It was after I got married, got pregnant, started a business, gave birth to my stillborn son, moved a few times, got pregnant again and miscarried, and went to work for the same hair salon two different times, that I realized I didn't really want to do hair for a living. I don't think I'm cut out for it. (No pun intended.)
So this dream I had:
I was still in cosmetology school, only the school was a lot bigger. There was a movie theater inside the building that students would run off to when teachers weren't looking. Inside the theater there was a closet that had headphones and other necessary equipment for the reclining chairs we sat in. Students were not allowed in the closet - it was just one of the rules. I'm not great at following rules. As more students find our awesome theater spot and start piling in, some bratty, snobby girls come and take my headphones from my recliner and I'm left with none. I hate confrontation. Unless I'm really angry or threatened, you'll never hear about me making a scene, especially in public. So I took it upon myself to go into the storage closet and get myself a pair of headphones. A handful of girls and I all ended up getting in huge trouble for doing so. Some girls were even expelled. Keep in mind that I do have anxiety so my mind is always jumping to the worst possible outcome EVER.
I ran away from the school without telling anyone, before I was even officially in trouble. While I was gone, I ended up meeting some people who helped me interview for a job downtown in some high-rise buildings. These strangers talked me into bettering myself and doing what would truly make me feel at peace with my decisions. All throughout this portion of the dream I was doing that weird walking/flying thing, where I'm able to float and sort of fall as I'm walking. According to DreamDictionary.org, flying dreams can mean a number of things, depending on the type of flying, if you're scared while it's happening, or if you're having trouble taking off.
In this case, I was scared when I floated too high but once I got the hang of it, I was happy to be above everybody else. To me that means I'm scared of failure and don't really have any direction, but I know I'll be happy once I start moving up in the world.
When I got back to the school, without saying a word, I started packing my things and saying my goodbyes to my friends. I was sobbing but I knew I had to leave because it wasn't worth fighting for.
The next day was my first day at my new job. I'm walking by lots of beautifully organized desks and cubicles, and meeting lots of hard-working, driven people. Then I see Ellen, who appears to be very busy, so I just smile and walk past her to find the other paid interns. I have no idea what I'm even supposed to be doing so I make friends with an impeccably dressed young girl, about my age, who shows me the ropes.
Just as I'm getting the hang of it, sort of, Ellen walks up to my group. She starts talking to us and telling us about the job and to be confident in everything we do. Then she looks right at me and says "Only about three of you will succeed here. Some of you will become supervisors and some of you will start your own businesses. But you have something in you that's going to take you great places. You will go far, no matter where you end up."
And then I woke up, immediately after that and I felt so much better about my life. I've been struggling, for years, with not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, as if we have to pick just ONE thing for the rest of our lives and that's just IT. You make one decision and stick with it forever, because at the age of twenty two, you're supposed to know how you'll be feeling when you're twenty six, thirty six, and forty six years old. How silly does that sound? I still don't know exactly where I'm going. I do know that ever since I started thinking about creating this new blog, talking about dreams, and having deep conversations with people, I've felt ready and inspired. I can only hope to find myself along the way.
My name is Kaylee, as in Kaylee For Your Thoughts, and this is my second official blog. I'm starting over with this one because I felt inspired by a dream I had to cleanse and re-brand myself. In this dream I co-starred with none other than Ellen DeGeneres, whose words of wisdom resonated with me throughout the following morning and on through today.
I feel like I have to share my entire life's story in order to catch you up to this point, but I simply just don't want to. So I'll start at random places and fill you in as necessary.
When I was twenty two years old I enrolled in Cosmetology school. I had a love-hate relationship with my journey there but mostly I'm grateful for the time I spent learning about myself and gaining independence. You see, my independence was important to me for many reasons that I'm sure I'll get into later. One of the things I learned about myself was that my anxiety was real and that I had it BAD. I would call into school even though I wasn't sick just because I had a bad or nervous feeling. It wasn't normal nerves like your typical first day of school jitters; I felt frozen. Half of the time that I missed school, I would end up picking up an extra shift at work. I just wanted to avoid anything that stressed me out.
However, this post isn't so much about my anxiety issues as it is about my dream, which I'm getting to. So to shorten this story, I'll just tell you that I ended up finally graduating after over two years. And then I did nothing for a while. I was on a journey of self-discovery and freedom. I drank, I dated, I spent time with friends, I enjoyed life as a single twenty-something year old.
It was after I got married, got pregnant, started a business, gave birth to my stillborn son, moved a few times, got pregnant again and miscarried, and went to work for the same hair salon two different times, that I realized I didn't really want to do hair for a living. I don't think I'm cut out for it. (No pun intended.)
So this dream I had:
I was still in cosmetology school, only the school was a lot bigger. There was a movie theater inside the building that students would run off to when teachers weren't looking. Inside the theater there was a closet that had headphones and other necessary equipment for the reclining chairs we sat in. Students were not allowed in the closet - it was just one of the rules. I'm not great at following rules. As more students find our awesome theater spot and start piling in, some bratty, snobby girls come and take my headphones from my recliner and I'm left with none. I hate confrontation. Unless I'm really angry or threatened, you'll never hear about me making a scene, especially in public. So I took it upon myself to go into the storage closet and get myself a pair of headphones. A handful of girls and I all ended up getting in huge trouble for doing so. Some girls were even expelled. Keep in mind that I do have anxiety so my mind is always jumping to the worst possible outcome EVER.
I ran away from the school without telling anyone, before I was even officially in trouble. While I was gone, I ended up meeting some people who helped me interview for a job downtown in some high-rise buildings. These strangers talked me into bettering myself and doing what would truly make me feel at peace with my decisions. All throughout this portion of the dream I was doing that weird walking/flying thing, where I'm able to float and sort of fall as I'm walking. According to DreamDictionary.org, flying dreams can mean a number of things, depending on the type of flying, if you're scared while it's happening, or if you're having trouble taking off.
In this case, I was scared when I floated too high but once I got the hang of it, I was happy to be above everybody else. To me that means I'm scared of failure and don't really have any direction, but I know I'll be happy once I start moving up in the world.
When I got back to the school, without saying a word, I started packing my things and saying my goodbyes to my friends. I was sobbing but I knew I had to leave because it wasn't worth fighting for.
The next day was my first day at my new job. I'm walking by lots of beautifully organized desks and cubicles, and meeting lots of hard-working, driven people. Then I see Ellen, who appears to be very busy, so I just smile and walk past her to find the other paid interns. I have no idea what I'm even supposed to be doing so I make friends with an impeccably dressed young girl, about my age, who shows me the ropes.
Just as I'm getting the hang of it, sort of, Ellen walks up to my group. She starts talking to us and telling us about the job and to be confident in everything we do. Then she looks right at me and says "Only about three of you will succeed here. Some of you will become supervisors and some of you will start your own businesses. But you have something in you that's going to take you great places. You will go far, no matter where you end up."
And then I woke up, immediately after that and I felt so much better about my life. I've been struggling, for years, with not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, as if we have to pick just ONE thing for the rest of our lives and that's just IT. You make one decision and stick with it forever, because at the age of twenty two, you're supposed to know how you'll be feeling when you're twenty six, thirty six, and forty six years old. How silly does that sound? I still don't know exactly where I'm going. I do know that ever since I started thinking about creating this new blog, talking about dreams, and having deep conversations with people, I've felt ready and inspired. I can only hope to find myself along the way.
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